Fall 2009 40-Day Fast, October 21, Day 5: When fair isn't fair

A friend and I have been struggling over the issue of fairness.

We struggle over situations when things aren’t “fair,” especially in relationships. We understand the concept of pulling our own weight, of pitching in, of being and taking responsibility—and what gets us raw, impatient, grumpy, and sullen is when others don’t. We ask, “Why do we have to be the Responsible Adult all the time?” Why does it seem that when we ask for forgiveness, it isn’t reciprocated? We feel taken advantage of, taken for granted, asked to pitch in even more when we already feel we have given our fair share and probably even more into a situation. We often end up having to suck it up, while “they” luxuriate in their own little worlds.

Not fair, Lord, we complain—and we are tired. You know it would be so much easier if each person did their fair share; or better yet if every person went overboard in giving to a relationship. If each person contributed 60%, added up in a two-person relationship, we’re way over 100! But. But, Lord, they’re not doing 60%. Heck, it feels like their not even doing 50% and most of the time it’s a stretch to see they are putting in much more than 40%

Lord, if everything were done by everyone fairly, the world would be such a better place. And if every one did even just a little more than what was fairly required — say, 51% — everything would be swelling in abundance

But that’s not what happens. Life isn’t fair. Circumstances get thrust upon us. We are perceived as strong and confident: competent, and once again the scales are imbalanced. We do more because we can. And yet, that is what God calls us to do, and to do it freely, do it unfairly.

Here’s what author Philip Yancey says:

To understand this issue of human freedom, it may help to imagine a world in which everyone truly does get what he or she deserves. That world would be just and consistent, and everyone would clearly know what God expected. Fairness would reign. There is, however, one huge problem with such a tidy world: it's not at all what God wants to accomplish on earth. God wants from us love, freely given love, and we dare not underestimate the premium God places on that love. Freely given love is so important that God allows our planet to be a cancer of evil in the universe—for a time.

If this world ran according to fixed, perfectly fair rules, there would be no true freedom. We would act rightly because of our own immediate gain, and selfish motives would taint every act of goodness. In contrast, the Christian virtues described in the Bible develop when we choose God and God's ways in spite of temptation or impulses to do otherwise.

God wants us to choose to love freely, even when that choice involves pain, because we are committed to God, not to our own good feelings and rewards. God wants us to cleave, as Job did, even when we have every reason to deny God hotly. Job clung to God’s justice when he was the best example in history of God’s apparent injustice. He did not seek the Giver because of gifts; after all gifts were removed, he still sought the Giver.

[Where Is God When It Hurts pp 89-91]

Fairness obliviates freedom. Fairness forces people to do things out of fairness and not out of love. When fairness rules, we’ve no more God to run to for mercy, grace, blessing.

  Pamela A. Chun
©October 20, 2009
Please reprint only with permission.

Posted via email from 40 Day Fast